The Pain and Power of Letting Go and Starting Fresh

Why starting over is terrifying, but the only way to find the life you’re meant to live.

With a heart that refuses to quit, what could possibly stop you?

Nothing.

The start of a new year always inspires me to reflect deeply—on where I am, how far I’ve come, and where I’m meant to go.

I spent a lot of time thinking over the past few days about that critical moment in my past: February 9th 2011. That’s the day I made a decision that would send me down a path that would forever change my life.

I thought about that 21-year-old young man who sat down in front of his computer and started writing about the things that mattered to him—the ambitions he had and what was truly on his heart.

Honest.
Raw.
Heartfelt.
Lost.
Full of fear and courage.

And now, over 5,000 days later, I’m still at it—with a depth of understanding and perspective that’s come at a great cost. A cost I would pay over and over again.

Because honestly I have no idea where I would be right now if I didn’t make that choice. It’s now such a part of me that I couldn’t imagine myself without it.

But there’s an uncomfortable truth I’ve had to face in all my reflections.

I recently wrote about what it would be like to climb a mountain, and 2/3’s the way up, you realize that you can’t go any farther. The path ends. There’s no way forward. The only way to get to where you want to go is to climb down and go all the way back up a different way.

Out of all of the big feelings that have come up around this realization, none has been more painful than a sneaky little whisper from my inner critic:

“It was all for nothing.”

That one has hurt. Badly.

Because as much as I know that’s not true, it still gets at me sometimes. I see where the path veered off course, how I ended up here—stuck—and I wish there were a way forward on the path I originally chose.

But the reality is, the path ran out, whether I like it or not.

And it’s not up to me to make it different. My only job is to accept this reality fully and continue on—no matter which way I have to go.

::deep breaths::

I’d be lying to you if I told you I made this decision to change directions quickly. I haven’t. It’s been anything but.

I’ve struggled immensely to change course, to stop the endless momentum of decades of energy pulling me toward the old way. I feel like a cruise liner overshooting its mark and crashing into the docks.

Unrelenting energy.
Immovable object.
Massive weight.

Suffering.

Like I said before, the cost has been high. Higher than I’ll ever be able to convey. But even in all the darkness, there’s still a light.

The hardest part of faith is battling the relentless doubt that fights against something you know deep within your bones to be true.

That’s where I’ve been.

Knowing—and yet battling myself relentlessly.

This chapter, right now, is the most important of my life. I’m suffering badly, yet my faith and sense of what’s right have never been more deeply entrenched and rooted in my heart.

The storms rage within, but the roots run deep.

For that, I’m grateful. Because through all of this, I’ve unearthed things in me that I never knew were there.

Faith.
Courage.
Redemption.
Resilience.
Purpose.

My path is far from over.

Lately, I’ve felt that the desperation of my original path running out has been pressurized into dust and turning into a “f**k it we’ll climb it again!” attitude.

Oh that’s the spirit.

Embrace it. Feel it fully. Let it run through you until you finally understand it.

And then climb. Climb again.

Whatever it takes.

The magic of new beginnings isn’t about a day on the calendar or its alleged power (spoiler: it has none). It’s about the strength that comes from making hard choices—the ones where you use your will to set you on a path you know is true.

It’s an opportunity to correct all wrongs with one single intention.

A chance to bring yourself back to the way you were meant to go.

Because no one is coming to save you. No one else can do this for you. You are the person you’ve been waiting for. You are it. You get to choose how this story is written.

It’s not enough to just know the path in front of you. You have to be willing to walk it. You have to let go of what’s no longer meant for you and open yourself up to the possibilities of what’s to come.

Is it scary?

It’s absolutely terrifying.

But where there’s fear, there’s courage.

Lean into it, and it will carry you all the way through.

Because at the end of the day, you are the spark that changes everything.

The magic is you.

---

Here’s how you can integrate this:

Intention: To embrace the courage to start over, trusting that every ending holds the possibility of a greater beginning.

Reflection: Think about a time in your life when a path you chose didn’t work out as planned. What did you learn about yourself through that experience? How did it shape your understanding of what’s possible? If you’re standing at a crossroads now, what is one thing you need to let go of to move forward?

Practice: This week, identify one area of your life where you feel stuck or unsure of the path ahead. Write down what’s holding you back—whether it’s fear, self-doubt, or attachment to the past. Then, choose one small action that represents your willingness to let go and start fresh. It could be journaling about your vision, making a decision you’ve been avoiding, or simply acknowledging your desire to move forward. At the end of the week, reflect on how this action made you feel and what new possibilities it opened up for you.

---

If this newsletter has brought value to your life, I would love it if you subscribed and shared it with a friend. Your support keeps this work alive—sharing real stories that inspire and guide you through life’s twists and turns to become everything you’re meant to be.

Thank you for being here,
—Evan