Why Expectations Are the Silent Thief of Joy and How to Let Go

How letting go of expectations and embracing life’s flow can bring true peace and freedom.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” — unknown

Our minds have a way of trapping us in expectations, convincing us that things should look a certain way.

For years, I lived in that space, defined by assumptions about how my life should look and how others should fit in. I saw everything as a straight line from A to B, black and white. But over time, I began to see the many colors that exist between those two extremes—and that shift forced me to finally look at “what’s actually here.”

Clinging to ideas of how life should be closes us off to the great mystery of it all and the endless possibilities waiting for us.

I brought this mindset into everything—relationships, health, career, dreams. Black-and-white thinking turned anything that didn’t align into a source of anxiety and self-doubt, stripping the joy out of simply being.

Letting go of this wasn’t easy. But after years of struggle, I finally started to understand what acceptance truly is—a state of embracing what’s happening. When I do, my connections deepen naturally.

There’s a Buddhist saying: “When things are going well, be patient, they’ll change. When things are going poorly, be patient, they’ll change.”

This reminds me that everything, absolutely everything, is always shifting. Life is like a river that carries us along, despite our best efforts to steer. Many of us try to dam the flow, to change its course, or to swim upstream. But no matter how much we resist, the river finds its way, taking us to where we need to go.

I used to force things, tightly holding onto each outcome and feeling disappointed when life didn’t follow my plans. There’s something instinctual about that—to try to control, to strive, to push. But real peace comes from moving with the river, meeting whatever arrives when it does. It’s not about predicting what might come next—how could we possibly know? It’s about taking our oars out of the water, enjoying the ride, and trusting the current to guide us.

This journey gives us a choice: fight against life’s natural flow, clinging to expectations and yielding only suffering, or ride the current as it unfolds.

We can’t control our circumstances, but we can control our response. We can choose courage, understanding, and wisdom through life’s ups and downs.

As Joseph Campbell once said, “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” Peace isn’t found in forcing anything into a mold but in finding joy within its unpredictable currents.

Recently, I faced changes that challenged me in unexpected ways, forcing me to confront fears I had long avoided. For a time, I felt as though I were being chased by wolves—my fears magnified, casting deep shadows of dread. But then I turned to face them.

When I stopped running, I realized those “wolves” were simply shadows, exaggerated by my own mind. The things we run from often seem larger in the dark. By facing them, I saw that they weren’t wolves at all, but manageable, even harmless parts of me. Each time I confronted these fears, they shrank, transforming from terrifying monsters into workable pieces.

Letting go, trusting life, and facing it head-on requires faith. It’s about believing that the river knows where it’s going. When you trust your intentions and know that what you put into the world will return to you, you find yourself arriving precisely where you were always meant to be.

There’s no end point. It’s all constantly unfolding. Each new layer reveals fresh fears, commitments, and challenges. Once you overcome one, another appears. But if you embrace this process with faith and care, you can find joy in each new ring of growth.

I call this way of being “living like an amoeba.” It’s fluid, adaptive, and free from rigid expectations. I let myself be flexible, growing and shifting as life demands. It’s like seeing yourself as part of the natural ebb and flow, rather than as an isolated entity.

This isn’t passive—it’s fully engaging with life without forcing the outcome. It’s about moving with things, sensing where you’re being pulled, and going there willingly.

Surrendering doesn’t mean giving up. It’s about loosening your grip, allowing yourself to float, and experiencing life as it is.

It’s a process of just… being. Nothing to change, nothing to hold onto.

When you live like this, you find a connection with life itself. Instead of fighting the current, you’re flowing with it.

It’s the best kind of freedom, and it all starts by letting go and trusting that life is unfolding exactly as it should.

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Here’s how you can integrate this:

Intention: To release rigid expectations and embrace the flow of life, finding peace in the unpredictability of the present moment.

Reflection: What expectations are you currently holding onto that might be limiting your ability to fully experience life as it is? How could letting go of these expectations open up new possibilities or bring you a sense of freedom?

Practice: Take 5 minutes today to identify one area in your life where you’re clinging to an outcome. Write down how this attachment makes you feel and what might happen if you released your grip on it. Then, choose one action or mindset shift to help you let go—whether it’s journaling, meditating, or simply repeating to yourself, “I trust the flow of life.” Reflect at the end of the day on how this shift influenced your perspective and emotions.

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Thank you for being here,
—Evan